Brrr...

We are expecting a cold snap for the next three days. It's kinda funny yo think about how different it will be to bring home a baby when it's super cold out. It was 93 degrees on the day we took Wyeth home from the hospital. He wore a onesie and a little hat. I am not even sure he was covered by a blanket, because his car seat made him sweat.
The car seat this time has a blanket, and a bunting cover, and every outfit I packed for the hospital has a little matching hat. I read when the baby is tiny tiny, we aren't suppose to put a snowsuit on the baby because it compromises the safety of the 5-point harness.

With Ella...

I didn't make it to 38 weeks with Wyeth or Fara, but I did with Ella! And here is my post from about half way through the week...

So, I guess the lesson is that if you deliver your baby early and never get to the miserable last month of pregnancy, you are one lucky duck!!!

I am struggling over here!!! We went to the dr. yesterday and I am closed up like a 16 year old virgin! The dr. (used to be Dr. Cool Guy, but is now Dr. On My Nerves!) said I am right on track to deliver around my due-date! GRRREEAAAAATTTT!!!! This all-natural girl is starting to understand the appeal of scheduled c-sections and inductions! Too bad I have spent the last three years brain-washing my husband to believe those things are evil!

I am really trying to keep my sense of humor around all this, but yesterday I had to have a good cry! My mom told me that feeling sorry for myself wouldn't bring the girlie on any sooner (thanks mom). All things work out for the best in their own time, and I just need to be patient. I am just excited to meet my little girl AND I want my body back!

I don't clearly remember writing this post. However, it's nice to see I felt fairly miserable about being pregnant, and was able to block those memeories.

As for how I am feeling now, I want to go on record as saying I don't feel like I am going to have a baby anytime soon. All that can change in a matter of hours... I will keep you posted.

New Products...

So...as promised here are the things I want for the new baby. Again, yes I hear myself, I know that I need nothing, but...

1- Ergo...I have heard wonderful things about this carrier, and have seen many men sporting their little tykes using this one. It transfers the weight of the baby from your back to your hips, and therefore you can carry them for longer periods of time and until they are older.

2- Baby timer...I am not sure I needed this with Wyeth, I was so tuned into him and his every need, but now with all the other responsibilities I have, I think this little gadget would be nice. Sometimes I don't know if I am coming...or going...

3- Swaddle Blankets...these gauze swaddle blankets caught my eye because they are big and light, so they will be nice in all seasons. And I love swaddling.


I always wanted a thumb sucker. They are so cute...I know they have to wear braces and it can be next to impossible to break the habit before the child is ready. But, what's so wrong with that? We love in a big scary world and are only little for ten years, so what if you need to comfort yourself? Anyway... I have had a finger sucker, but no thumb suckers. I generally supply general variety of pacifiers, but I may go a little lighter this round...if Mac shows interest in his hands at all, I am going to encourage it. :)

So product wise, that pretty much covers the bases.
Oh, and I got a nursing cover at a consignment sale this fall too. I have become pretty disgreet over the years, but it will be nice to have in some situations. It's nice and light, so hopefully it won't make me hot. Nursing always makes me HOT.

Just my opinion. I am so looking forward to the baby at this point. I just want to suck on his lips and smell his head, and count his toes. sigh.

Baby Products

Grrrrrrr. Blogger just ate a thoughtful post about baby products, the ones we need and only think we do...

I am not going to re-type the whole thing. I don't have the patience, it's not something I am long on at this stage of the pregnancy.

Anyway, I had a guarded and highly analytzed list of baby products I wanted and NEEDed when I became pregnany with Wy-guy. I remember dragging Mr. Workin' all over greater PDX shopping and putting hands on each and every opition out there. It never occurred to me for a moment that my parenting ability came from my heart, not selecting the perfect swing, and travel system, and pack 'n play.
Seven years later, I have matured a bit. There were defieantly numerous things one the list that I never used, and many other things, that through hands on experience, I now know are quite inportant.

Things I am lost without...
1. Baby swing...that can recline enough for a newborn.
2. Mirror for the car...the one the hooks to the headrest so you can see how babe is in your rearveiw mirror.
3. Monitor...I prefer the one with lights, so you can turn down the sound and still see if the baby is making noise. The sound of your baby crying is 100% more stressful thn just the knowledge, which is still mighty heartbreaking.
4.Sling...I don't have a favorite, but I have a ton of different ones. They say babies cry 40% less when they are carried in a sling. I used and loved the Baby Bjorne and Mr. Workin' liked it better than any sling. It seems more masculine somehow.

5. Swaddle Blankets...not to be confused with a receiving blanket, I like having a handful of big, just for swadling, swaddle blankets. Ella would still be swaddled at night if I wasn't worried about being put in jail for it. It just made her so happy.
6. Lansinoh Brand nursing pads and lanolin...those first several weeks can be tough, and smearing on the lanolin without worrying about the effect to the babe is so releiving.


These are my top six.
Next I will show my list for this baby, of new products.
Stay tuned...

Waiting...

After all this worry about if our new little guy will show up early, I have switched into waiting mode. Which is great.
Now I wish I had a crystal ball. It's exciting, but difficult to wait. I suppose if I get as far at 39 weeks, I will elect for a repeat c-section. Size will become a factor and induction isn't an option due to a previous section.
Hurry up and wait!!!

$*!(*@!!

Marriage rant! I love it, I hate it, I love to hate it, and I hate to love it.
It's so hard!
I didn't know it was going to be this hard.
The End

Nothing much...

I don't have a ton this morning, but have the urge to post none the less...

Learned something new:
Yesterday was MLK Day and a cousin by marriage had a "Hope y'all had a happy Robert E Lee day!" I was instantly angry. WTH? But upon Googling it, learned that the two gentlemen actually do share a birthday. I still kinda think it was probably posted to be ugly, but I won't judge beyond that.

To Paxil or not:
After the stress of having three babies in three years and two months, Dr. K wrote me a script for Paxil. I don't like to over-credit a substance, but holy moly, that stuff changed my life. I could finally just sit in a situation and not react. It was good for my marriage and the children got to have a mommy that rolled with a messy floor and spilt milk. I gained quite a bit of weight, but even that didn't matter, as I felt as good as I EVER had. And then, like with all people that are well medicated, I decided I didn't need the drug anymore. I was wanting to have baby # four, and the weight was starting to get me down. I called Dr. K and asked what our next step should be. Well, it didn't go well. Paxil withdrawls are AWFUL. No other drug or cocktail of anti-anxiety drugs would hold me, and at one point I ended up having a panic attack (which had to have been an adverse reaction to another anti-anxiety drug). I thought I was going to die. Seriously, it was one of the darkest places I have ever been. My marriage suffered, and I don't even want to know what my children were thinking. Never, one to have suicidal thoughts, I was ready to get on a bus with a one-way ticket to escape myself. So...we finally found that Lexipro does an OK job of curbing my anxiety and it is compatible with pregnancy. I haven't been terribly loyal to taking it during this pregnancy, more just when I feel myself slipping to the bottom/dark days of the cycle my life seems to happen in. But here I am at the end of my pregnancy with a script for Paxil waiting for me to deliver, and I am not sure if starting the process over again is the right answer. The last several months have been stressful with the remodel and weeks of bed rest and I am coping. On the other hand, wouldn't be nice to just take the Paxil and enjoy my baby moon, when I know I am going to be under rested and trying to get back to normal with the other kiddos. I will continue to weigh the sides...I am not ready to decide today.

The Foodoholic:
I have always been most concerned and disturbed by the way Ella deals with things. It's been pointed out by my therapist, I find her reactions to life scary, because it is the reaction I am working so hard NOT to have. I feel like she cries ALL the time. And I spend YEARS of my life being told to stop crying, when as an adult I now believe that wasn't an appropriate response by my parents. So...I spend a lot of time reacting to Ella by telling her to STOP CRYING because she is affecting my anxiety level negatively, which is exactly not the parenting cycle I want to fall into. In the last several weeks, Ella's newest thing has been food. She wants to eat all the time, except when we are sitting at a meal time. It's all she talks about. Mommy I'm hungry, how much longer until we eat, when is lunch, what could she have if it was time to eat. It can be eight minutes after we finish dinner and she has promised she is full and she is begging for something to snack on. I feels like it's a boredom or control issue. I have no idea how to handle it except to be strict about snack times? I know making/letting food be an issue will just lead to bigger issues later. {sigh}

All for now...I need a nap.

Fake smiles

I love that all three have the same cheesey, fake smile.
I love these little people forever and ever and always! 

Rambling and pointless...but cathartic all the same.

I can be a horrible mother. Tonight I lost my temper and it was so gross, all I can do is cry. I DID apologize to the girls and make sure they know that I love them, and that mommy makes mistakes...but still it doesn't take the icky feeling in my heart away.
I read a thing in college that rings in my head on nights like these. "Keep your temper, nobody else wants it." Or deserves it, really.
I find myself berating these tiny little people. Nobody wants to go to bed hurt, angry and feeling bad about themselves. Even if things go a little rough I have no right to freak out quite the way I do.
I know that sitting here beating myself up isn't the answer either. I will pray for grace God and forgiveness from them and myself...and tomorrow will be my chance to do it better.
I just really want to be giving these little loves the best. This little "mommyhood" gig is soooooooo overwhelming sometimes. And I have bitten off a HUGE bite. I can do it, and I WILL do it well, because I will continue to want the best for my babies.

Nesting...it's a real thing.

And nesting while on bed rest is a little tricky...like it isn't possible. Unless your partner is willing to run around and try to accomplish the four mile list you have made.
Nesting has been one of the more humorous aspects of pregnancy for me. One that I often giggle at after the baby come. Mr. Workin' isn't as fond of the phenomenon. No one can pull me out of organizing and cleaning and painting no matter how silly goals may seem. It simply becomes something I must do!
So this time I sit and make the endless lists, and take pleasure in marking off the few things I can accomplish and the items Mr. Workin' gets done. But I may have to do a bulk of my nesting post baby.
And I guess that will be ok...it has to be huh.