Once the Bride ...

Never the Bridesmaid.
So, my last close friend from my young adulthood is getting married in several months. And once again I have been pasted over for the role of bridesmaid. I am not heartbroken, mainly because I will be HUGELY pregnant on the day of the wedding. But based on my conversations with the bride, it wouldn't have mattered.
It's interesting to me though. I know I am a cherished and good friend, and I know that I am pretty enough. The only thing that sticks out in my mind, is my weight. And if that is the case than I don't even know what to say. If I spent years questioning my dad's love over my weight, and didn't lose weight for him, than I am sure as shit NOT gonna do it for any of my friends.
Anyway, I am mature enough to know most of the circumstances has to do with timing.
And I will make a beautiful....mother of the bride in 30ish years, when the girls are ready to settle.

Friendships

Sometimes I have to remind myself...friendships may not last.
Friendships can lose importance and die gradually. I have had some friendships end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships seems to be change.
There is usually pain with the loss of friendship, but life goes on. And it can be toxic to hold on to something that isn't right anymore.
It's been a year in the making, but after spending today defending my stance, I am more sure than ever...it's over.