Goals...

We have changed so much since I was last actively posting here. The baby isn't a baby anymore and Wy is a little man-child. We are blessed with strong healthy babes and just keep growing and changing. We took a week long spring Break to Arizona in late March. The kids did really well on the plane and aside from some moments of entitlement that nearly brought me to my knees, we had a wonderful time. I know I am raising these people different than I was raised, but I struggle from time to time with them not understanding how lucky they are. Is there a way for them to appreciate that it is a gift to be able to travel by airplane and go and stay away from home in a resort for a week? I mean I know there are ways, but the teaching moments aren't apparent to me until I am saying icky things about not EVEYONE being able to do these things. I don't want them to feel lucky as the sake of someone else. I also don't want monster melts downs about not getting this or that. Being a mom in the moment and finding teaching opportunities in everyday moments without losing my cool will forever be one of my biggest goals. I pray about it all the time! Peace and grace, peace and grace. What are some of your parenting goals with your growing family?

Healthful Changes...

Will I ever get it right? I think it is a matter of a total change of thinking and those don't come easily. Life is full of choices and I fall into the habit of feeling like a deserve awards for having to deal with unpleasant situations or treats to help soothe the hurts of everyday life. It's been a life-long (or at least throughout adulthood) choice I make to cope. It isn't working. I am not a well-balanced human based on these choices. I am heavy, and by heavy I mean freaking fat. I have stood at this juncture more than once in the past and nothing has worked. I am still making the same choices and still feeling poorly about myself. It's time to understand that patience and discipline are the only way to effect change in the ways that I need to. Ugh! But here are the promises I am going to make for myself... * I am not going to be disparaging to myself about the length of time it takes. * I am not going to reward myself with food or things! I am going to just be proud of ME! * I am not going to make these choices I am making the center of conversations. * When I fall down, I am going to get back up and try harder. I embark on this journey with the knowledge that I will be happier in the long run.

Chapters

Indications that we are moving out of the baby phase are happening left and right. The little guy and I ended our 20 month nursing relationship last week. It has been bittersweet. I know Mac isn't a baby anymore, but we both ready enjoyed nursing. When I start gushing about how special breastfeeding has been to me, I never mean sound insensitive to the mamas that choose not to, or for those it didn't work out for one reason or another. I know it's a deeply personal decision you make as a mama. Mr. Workin' and I headed out of town for our 11th wedding anniversary and it seemed like as good of time as any to wean. We weren't nursing a bunch, just at bedtime and naptime and if something was really upsetting like an injury or shots. It was an interesting choice on my part to forget my hand pump when we headed out of town. Apparently I was nursing more than I thought, because I woke up the first morning away and wanted to cry! I was painfully engorged and Mr. Workin' was opposed to "helping me out". I popped some Advil and put on a bra, which helped a little. I know there are herbs you can take that are supposed to help, I am not sure why I didn't look into that at the time. It was like I was OK with not nursing because I was away from the baby, but not OK to actively try to stop milk production. It has been an emotional road it some ways. There are times when the thought of caring for a baby makes me completely overwhelmed. I know I don't want another child, but I am not sure I will ever be done wanting another baby. Mr. Workin' took matters into his own hands and had a "family planning procedure" of his own. So that solves that! We are ready to step into the next chapter...a busy house full of kiddos going in four different directions.

Healthy

Individual Steel Cut Oat Cups [Pre-soaked, No Sugar]

We have been making some changes around here! Mr. Workin' has requested oatmeal every morning, and while I love the healthful benefits of steel cut oats, they take forever to cook.  This recipe looks good, and I can cook, just once a week. I plan to make 12...that's one a morning for Mr. Workin' and a couple each for the kiddos on oatmeal morning.

Season of Field Trips

This post really should be accompanied by pictures. However that would require a level of organization that I only dream about these days. With the three older kids in school, we have had many adventures this spring. We opened with a Kindergarten trip to the Montana Fish and Parks and Giant Springs Fish Hatchery. Apparently, Ella even tried on a bear skin. Mac, Fara, and I only joined for the hatchery portion. Do you have any idea how any times a five year old will comment on the smell of their surroundings? Let me tell ya! And I must admit the hatchery reeked. Next up, Ella, Mac, Fara and I joined Wyeth's class on a trip to Mrs. Henning's farm. Again, seven year olds will do quite a bit of commenting on the conditions. It also smelled to high heaven. Mrs. Henning showed us how to care for a horse but, brushing and saddling it. She also mounted the beast. It's difficult to make that look easy if you aren't in pretty good shape. There was giggling by some of the kiddos. Next we got to meet the pigs. Babe, the boar, weighs in at 1000 lbs. That is a lot of pig. We also met four piglets that were so cute. The first graders got a chance to offer the pigs a snack of donuts or cantaloupe rinds. My non-pork eating friend was horrified I would eat an animal that eats glazed donuts. I say she doesn't know what she is missing. Mr. Workin’ stepped in and attended the next 1st grade field trip to the Dinosaur museum in Bynum. I am so relieved he did too. I wasn’t excited to figure out what to do with the other three children. Bynum is a hour and a half away. Mr. Workin’ seemed to enjoy the experience. Maybe he can take it with all the other children as well. And lastly, Mac and I walked to the Fire Station with Fara and her class. It was short and sweet. The fire fighters where great with the kiddos. They got all suited up and reminded the students they should crawl on the floor and say, “I am here” when in a fire. Also not to be afraid! I love having so many children and so many fun opportunities with them. I also love being able to not have a job, so I am able to join the fun.

Mac

I haven't written much about Mac at all. As it turns out four kids is a lot, and I have fallen out of the habit of blogging with the management of all these little people. Mac has been the easiest baby. Either I figured out what I am doing, boys truly are easier, or (like I most suspect) God had a serious talk with him about how strung out this mama Mac has chosen really is. No matter the case, I can count on one hand the times he as cried and I didn't know immediately why because I was late with a necessity, like a fresh diaper, or meal. He has been a champion nurser and that keeps us crazy close. I have always by far been his favorite person. I have known all along he is the baby and my last chance at parenting an infant, so I have created a bit of a monster in some regards. He nurses on demand 24 hours a day. AND he sleeps with me. Two naps a day, and through the night, all depend on me being right there to nurse if Mac should stir. But he is a happy, friendly little guy that loves to explore and let even strangers hold him. He thinks he is a friend of all that attend Holy Spirit Catholic School and enjoys free rein of the ground floor when we are there. He knows that you can find a ball in the gym teacher’s office, a cookie in the kitchen, and a snuggle from the front office. His light shines bright. I hope you can all meet him someday.

Giving my power away...

This has become something I am pretty good at in my adult life. I feel like I let people dictated way too much. Mr. Workin' can wreck me with a look. The moms at school, the kiddos, and my family can also say next to nothing and it causes me to unravel. I ALLOW this to happen by not believing in myself enough. If I am questioned by my spouse it cuts me. Are there things you tell yourself that help you ward off these hurts? How do you make the voice in your head be the loudest one you hear?

Ramblings...

Life has been marching on. The kids are bigger and into more stuff, I seem to maintain a constant level of business without ever getting crazy amount accomplished. Mr. Workin' is stressed, that seems to also be a constant. Life never seems to get less complicated, that's for sure. If I am honest, I would say I struggle to appreciate this station in life. Marriage is tough with a houseful of little people, and the house full of little people make me crazy. So, that being said, I depend largely on my volunteerism and friends to help me sustain a feeling of worth. Ugh, as I read back over that last part it sounds sad. I don't want to sounds sad. I am not, I really just think it's the station I am in. I love, love, love my life. I love being able to give myself to my kids and their school. It's just that I am a lot of things to a lot of people and it's feels like too much sometimes. The shitty part of that… I’m not parenting to the best of my ability. I just was to get by. I want them to learn the hard lessons in life without sucking me dry emotionally. Life is life. I think I need to shift into a more gratitude centric way of thinking and I can shift what I am calling in.

Poor blog...

I am not sure why, I haven't posted more regularly. Those of you that blog, know that it's typical to compose posts in your head that never make it to the computer.
Maybe for lack of direction, I will go ahead and do a highlighted version of the last couple of months.
January is generally a dark and cold month around these parts, but this has been such a mind winter, Amy and I were able to walk on the reg, and had very little snow or ice to deal with.
February was equally warm and we walked our little hearts out. And so far March hasn't been great. I am wanting to keep things going, but for some reason I am not feeling it. A change of routine is probably in store, but what... With Mr. Workin' not here half the mornings, it's hard to get away.

My 7 year old...

We had a rough start to the school year this year with the Wy-guy. I have always known he is quite bright and willing to work to learn. But at the beginning of first grade we weren't seeing either quality. He was getting in trouble for laughing and talking during class time. There were days when he was missing a good portion of his recess as a punishment for acting out. We talked to him and grounded him and at one point, I even spanked him. Nothing seemed to be getting the message across. Then, nearly as mysteriously as these naughty behaviors appeared...they vanished, leaving a typical seven boy's behavior in their place. Whew~what a relief.
His personality is bursting from his little self lately. And really, he's not little either, I think he is pushing 70ish lbs. It's fun to hear him exploring with sarcasm and his sense of humor. He has begun to appreciate the feeling of making others happy or laugh.
He makes me nearly burst with pride.
Thanks to Amy for capturing this goofy moment. :)

Happy New Year!

I haven't written in FOREVER! Perhaps a month by month recap of 2011 would make me feel for caught up, if that is even possible at thsi stage of the game. As it turns out, four kids is a lot.
January~ The great wait. I spent the whole month on my bed, thikning the baby was going to come at any moment.
February~ Coldest month in MT history, and the month we met our baby Mac!
March~ Another cold month. We had sleepless nights and countless snuggles via Mac! Wrestling tournament as a family to cheer on Wy-guy.
April~ I was crabby looking back on it, having a new baby was weighing on me. We had a fun Easter in Wyoming, but I was brabby then too.
May~ An awesome family vacation in Kuaui.
June~ It took a couple of weeks, but we settled into a fun summer routine.
July~ We had a summer fun and good family time.
August~ Swimming lessons! and a trip to Wyoming.
September~ Back to school and the routine of school days.
October~ Amy and I started walking! Football, and dance, and the Gala.
November~ Busy times! Mac growing and changing so fast.
December~ Feeling better about stuff. Nice Holiday season.

That is just the nitty gritty, of course.

Long Summer Afternoon MEME

Have you hung out with anyone today? Who? My chics. Wyeth, Ella, Fara, and Mac.
Are you hiding anything? Yes, a skinny girl.
What's your status on Facebook? Something about what a horrible teacher I would be.
What's your favorite kind of gum? Peppermint...
When's the last time you've had sex? No Comment.
What sites are you on? Blogger. FB.
If your kids searched your room, what's the worst thing they'd find? Gifts and sex toys.
Ever thought about suicide? Don't do it. No, not really.
What are you looking forward to? Seeing friends at a wedding next weekend.
Does the door to your room have a lock? Nope.
What type of skin do you have? ?? Um, I don't know.
Ever gotten beer poured all over yourself? Yes, when I worked at Eaton's a girl "spilled" her beer on me.
How many hours of sleep do you get at night? 7ish.
Who's the last person you had a sleepover with? My hubby count? If not...Sara.
What are you listening to? My Little Pony on the HUB.
Who's the last person you wanted to kiss? Mac.
Can you keep a secret? Not very well.
How many people do you trust? A handful.
When's the last time you went on a walk? Yesterday.
Who was your last phone call with? My mom.
Who have you all texted today? Yes, with another school mom about an event.
Do you miss anyone? Yes, my grandmother.
Do you smoke? Nope.
Have you ever had a breathalyzer test? Did you pass? Nope.
Is there anyone that you wish you were hanging out with right now? My hubby. Parenting is a two person job.
What do you hate the most? Not a hater.
Would you be pissed if someone labeled you a 'prep'? I don't really get into lables.
What's the most illegal thing you've ever done? Plead the 5th.
When's the last time you jumped on a trampoline? Hmmmm, probably about five years ago.
What are you gonna rate this survey? Silly.

Goofy girl!

Oh My Heck!

Summer vacation with my little people hasn't been awesome thus far. It's not like anything has really gone wrong, it's just that there has been mucho bickering and in-fighting, and I don't have the energy to re-direct, so I just end up crabby and snappy instead.
It isn't often I feel overwhelmed by the group of the kids. I feel like four is a good number and they are different people, that need different things at different times, so I can keep most balls in the air. However, I have to admit I am completely broken-down by whining or tattling. And appearantly I am feeding into it just enough to keep things border-line miserable.
Mr. Workin' feels like I am crabby too often, but I find he short and snappy after a few hours behind the parenting wheel as well.
Just a quick vent. This too shall pass. I am working at bringing in a little "mama-helper" help to get some breaks.
Just, pray for me. Pray for the kiddos. I will pray to be able to let myself be helped.

My Super Girly Five Year Old

Oh Ella...I am stunned that you are five! You have been here for FIVE years. We celebrated your birthday for two days this year. I was worried you would find the actual day a bit lack-luster, but Greatgrandma Barb saved the day with a package of LalaLoopsys in the mail.
The second day we had the big blow-out delicious birthday party for 20 of your closest friends. We have a family rule that you only have a birthday party every other year, and if you have a kid party, you don't get a birthday gift from mom and dad. It all just gets to be so much. You are indulged children to begin with. I am proud of how you handled all the attention and gifts...always kind and grateful. :) Your kindness shines through most at times like that.
I love you my sweet girl. I am so proud of what a kind and generous girl you are becoming.
25 Ella Facts @ Five Years
You like having short hair and ask to have it cut often.
You are eating so much more and so many things.
You are the least picky eater of the family.
Bread is your favorite part of any burger or sandwich.
You finally are asking for water instead of juice, although juice is preferred.
You are quick to apologize if you think it's needed, but if not cry easily.
You and Fara are the best of friends.
You like to have "hair-pretties".
You are the first up in the mornings, and like a snack first thing.
You weigh 31 pounds.
You and Fara play "mama and sweetie" with your baby dolls.
You are a show-off in front of Wy's friends.
Disney channel shows are your favorite.
You are a snuggle bug and Daddy is your favorite.
You are great at cleaning up, and know just where everything goes.
Being on the go with Mama is very important to you.
You hate to be told on and panic when you know you are in the wrong. You are often the rule keeper, but aren't above fibbing if you find yourself in a tight spot.
You must dress yourself, but still let me pick-out your clothes.
You like "potty talk" and for a girly girl, you are quick to use it.
You like kitties and dream of a time when you can have a real one.
You have been working on earning a bike for months (by not crying).
Crying is your weakness.
You have to potty during every meal (STILL, this has been true for YEARS!).
Your hair is thick and beautiful.
You will always be my sweet princess girl.

Happiest of Birthdays!

The stuff...

Apparently, I need much stuff to make my world complete. However, I hate the way much stuff looks sitting around my house. There is a conflict...it needs to be resolved, but how?
Remember when you left for college, and even returned from college and you could fit your whole life in a car? I want that much stuff. I know, it's not practical, it didn't include a full kitchen, or any furniture, or the last 20 years of memories. Wait a minute do memories take up room? Should they? There is probably a happy medium and I will always error on the side of over keeping, and Mr. Workin' has every ticket stub and note he has ever had.
And speaking of the car load, it didn't include Mr. Workin' or my four beautiful clutter lovin' wee ones. But, just for arguments' sake less, say each on of the five of them have a car load too. So we have six cars, we'll call each a four-door sedan. Plus the house with furniture and a full kitchen...that turns out to be an ass-ton of stuff. Ugh.
What to do? It used to be that large families such as my own, lived in 1000 sq/ft houses and got by just fine, so it isn't that we need more space. I don't want more space...it's not fun to clean more space. It means we need less stuff.
I have decided to move all the clutter to the back hall in an effort to contain it. It will also give me a place to sort and purge without making the whole house look like crap. It just becomes about the discipline to go back there and work on it. As well as an effort to stop the in-flow of stuff. Check and check! It's a funny time of year to make resolutions, but here I go.
Damn it! I will get this place lookin' good again!

Handful of Princeville Memories

*Fara awoke the first morning at 3am (HI time) and was up for the day. I finally gave up and joined her at 4:30...Mr. Workin' slept til 7am.
Ella upon sighting the lush green hills of Kauai said, "Those trees, on those coconuts, those are Hawaii."
*Number of times I have thought, "I so want my drugs (referring for my anti-anxiety meds) back when I get home...27. No shit.
*We ate Bubba's Burgers twice! Yep, they are that good!
*Maclan thinks Princeville is a bit warm for his taste. Unfortunately he rolled off the couch promptly after our arrival, screaming harder that I have ever heard him cry. Confirming his first thoughts, "why have we chosen hell for our family vacation?"
*The iPad and my cellphone were left at our house in GF, completely wrecking my plans to A) entertain the kiddos on the plane B) read my book via Kindle on either C) find places to explore via the Internets D) keep an open life-line with my real life. I cried. I lie not.
*I actually had to say to one of my daughters...hmm those swimming bottoms must be on wrong, your vagina is showing.
*The kiddos went all the way to HI to discover they hate pineapple. Which frankly seems a bit criminal.
* Wyeth caught a baby lizard and then cried when he dropped it.
*Yes there are tears, even in paradise.
*Saturday night after a yummy dinner of Sushi (the kids did great!) we wanted to introduce them to shave-ice. After driving from Kappa to Hanahlei with a screaming Mac, the place was closed. Daddy to the rescue...he got ice cream sandwiches from the grocery. Not a total flop.
*Sunday we hit the pool at 10am, went in for a short lunch and finished for the day at 3pm. TOO LONG! Sunburns for everyone! Ugh. UV rays are intense even from behind those clouds despite several applications of sunscreen.
*Ella, "I went to Hawaii and ate SUSHI!!!"
Fare not wanting to left out, "I went to Huwyii and ate CHICKEN."
*I missed me PHONE!
*Fara asked, "Why does the sun kiss me in Montana, but hurt me in Huwyii. Poor girl. She got it the worst!
*We grilled at the resort and made the kiddos Mac and Cheese and it was probably the most pleasant meal we had.
*We got yummo food from a Thai wagon. Risky but worth it.
*There was not an oven in our room, just a microwave that bakes! I made cinnamon rolls!
*During the height of the sun we stayed in to save our burns, and color! I have colored more in the last week then the accumulation of my parenting color sessions of the past.
*The latest the children slept.....5:35am. Yep.
*The resort had these amazing Korean wings, that I WILL try to re-create. So yummy.
*All the flights went soooooooo well. Mr. Workin' and I have such well behaved children.

New family vacation parameters, only one time zone MAYBE two, and within a ten hour travel window. You do the math.

This seems extreme to me...

Global warming much?

Please pray for Joplin, MO.

Hawaii with the Kiddos!!!

We survived a week-old visit to Kauai for our family vacation. It was beautiful, but not at all relaxing. Who takes people under the age of 7 to Hawaii anyway?
I have more, but no time...

Such Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I felt so blessed. I love my life. <3